The Power of Nonverbal Communication
By Jeffrey M. Bowen
Recently I was chatting with a young Vietnamese
woman whose English-speaking ability was limited. A face mask muffled her voice. As she struggled with words, I concentrated on
what she was trying to say. Suddenly I
realized I was reacting as much to her eyes as to her words, while watching her
posture and gestures for clues.
I noticed her
eyebrows furrowed when she was puzzled, and the corners of her eyes crinkled
and narrowed when was smiling. Surprise
widened her eyes at certain points. Her
thumbs turned up with approval when she liked my praise. She looked up and to the side when confounded
by an unfamiliar word. Her whole package
of nonverbal expression helped me react despite never seeing her lips or
hearing clearly what she actually said.
In fact, research
suggests that we judge people almost instantly by their whole visual
package. Upwards of 93 percent of all interpersonal
communication is said to be nonverbal. Much
of it depends on the face, which is key to our grasping impressions that may
last only a blink.
Our ability to
discern facial emotions quickly is amazing.
Thought to be innate, and proven to be culturally universal, the emotion
of happiness is the easiest to spot, followed with increasing difficulty by
sadness, anger, disgust, and fear. It is
easy to believe that eyes are windows to the soul because they have great
capacity to give as well as receive emotions.
The corona
pandemic challenges us to communicate with body language. Social isolation has rapidly improved video
technology. Zoom meetings or the
equivalent on the internet set the stage for awesome networking. But certain nonverbal concerns may be missed
during a meeting. Posture, hand
gestures, facial expressions, and definitely direct eye contact may complement
or interfere with your Zoom partner’s heard message.
Many
years of trial and error in social relationships have enabled me to develop a
stock of reliable nonverbal practices.
Most are aimed at encouraging and sympathizing with individuals instead
of rejecting or criticizing what they have to say. Teachers and parents should try these out in
either live or video situations:
(1) don’t blink too much and
maintain consistent, but not overtly constant, eye contact with your subject;
(2) stand up straight, face your subject directly, and lean slightly forward
when engaging; (3) nod a lot because it shows you are attentive and listening;
(4) smile plenty but remember there are 17 different kinds of smiles, and only
six communicate happiness (you should rehearse which ones); (5) appear
thoughtful by holding your chin and tilting your head; (6) keep your arms open
because this welcomes ideas and indicates acceptance; (7) use a variety of attention-getting
gestures.
On the other hand, I avoid folding my arms,
shrugging, and shaking my head. There
are dozens of vocal techniques to keep your subject’s attention. One of the best is to expressively vary your
voice. Remember, monotones and monotony
go together.
At
the beginning I mentioned face masks. These
need not hinder communication. Their main
purpose is protection from disease.
However, masks also have a varied and colorful history, one well worth
investigating. It is reassuring that up to 80 percent of us can detect emotions
like happy, sad, or angry even when someone is wearing a mask. All by itself a
mask sends a telling nonverbal message. In
the throes of a worldwide pandemic, a protective mask demonstrates our mutual
commitment. Think of it as a personal
billboard saying we stick together and care about each other.
