The Power of Nonverbal Communication

 

The Power of Nonverbal Communication

By Jeffrey M. Bowen

 

 Recently I was chatting with a young Vietnamese woman whose English-speaking ability was limited.  A face mask muffled her voice.  As she struggled with words, I concentrated on what she was trying to say.  Suddenly I realized I was reacting as much to her eyes as to her words, while watching her posture and gestures for clues.

 

I noticed her eyebrows furrowed when she was puzzled, and the corners of her eyes crinkled and narrowed when was smiling.  Surprise widened her eyes at certain points.  Her thumbs turned up with approval when she liked my praise.  She looked up and to the side when confounded by an unfamiliar word.  Her whole package of nonverbal expression helped me react despite never seeing her lips or hearing clearly what she actually said.    

 

In fact, research suggests that we judge people almost instantly by their whole visual package.   Upwards of 93 percent of all interpersonal communication is said to be nonverbal.  Much of it depends on the face, which is key to our grasping impressions that may last only a blink.  

 

Our ability to discern facial emotions quickly is amazing.  Thought to be innate, and proven to be culturally universal, the emotion of happiness is the easiest to spot, followed with increasing difficulty by sadness, anger, disgust, and fear.  It is easy to believe that eyes are windows to the soul because they have great capacity to give as well as receive emotions.

 

The corona pandemic challenges us to communicate with body language.  Social isolation has rapidly improved video technology.  Zoom meetings or the equivalent on the internet set the stage for awesome networking.  But certain nonverbal concerns may be missed during a meeting.  Posture, hand gestures, facial expressions, and definitely direct eye contact may complement or interfere with your Zoom partner’s heard message.  

Many years of trial and error in social relationships have enabled me to develop a stock of reliable nonverbal practices.  Most are aimed at encouraging and sympathizing with individuals instead of rejecting or criticizing what they have to say.  Teachers and parents should try these out in either live or video situations:  (1)  don’t blink too much and maintain consistent, but not overtly constant, eye contact with your subject; (2) stand up straight, face your subject directly, and lean slightly forward when engaging; (3) nod a lot because it shows you are attentive and listening; (4) smile plenty but remember there are 17 different kinds of smiles, and only six communicate happiness (you should rehearse which ones); (5) appear thoughtful by holding your chin and tilting your head; (6) keep your arms open because this welcomes ideas and indicates acceptance; (7) use a variety of attention-getting gestures.

 On the other hand, I avoid folding my arms, shrugging, and shaking my head.  There are dozens of vocal techniques to keep your subject’s attention.  One of the best is to expressively vary your voice.  Remember, monotones and monotony go together.  

At the beginning I mentioned face masks.  These need not hinder communication.  Their main purpose is protection from disease.  However, masks also have a varied and colorful history, one well worth investigating. It is reassuring that up to 80 percent of us can detect emotions like happy, sad, or angry even when someone is wearing a mask. All by itself a mask sends a telling nonverbal message.  In the throes of a worldwide pandemic, a protective mask demonstrates our mutual commitment.  Think of it as a personal billboard saying we stick together and care about each other.